Border collie ACEO - Dog n Mog #4 B Frens

Monty: Coo - their gett fyt resolushun didn't last long did it?

Rosie: Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

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Border collie ACEO - A New Year is Breaking (2008)

Monty: Great. New Year Resolutions. I've got loads. What are your New Year Resolutions, Rosie?

Rosie: Oh, you know - the usual.

Monty: The usual?

Rosie: Oh, yeah - you know - eat more gravy and bones, play more hunt the rope, get Susan even more under the paw. What are yours?

Monty: Oh, you know - er... Um... The er, average stuff. Lose weight. Get more exercise. Be more organised. You know.

Muffled snort from Rosie's direction.

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Happy Border Collie Christmas!

We wish you a merry Christmas! Aroo, aroo

We wish you a merry Christmas! Aroo

We wish you a merry Christmasssssssssssss............ (aroo) and a Happy Newaroo Yearrrrrrrrrrrrr! Aroo, aroo.

To you from us. You take care out there.

Monty and Rosie and Susan

ACEO - Photo story - The cat who thinks he's a Border collie

ACEO - Dog n Mog #3 - Just keeping an eye on the pressies - Border collie dog art by Susan Alison

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ACEO - Under the Mistletoe - Border collie dog art by Susan Alison

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ACEO - Starry, starry night - Border collie dog art

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Border collie ACEO - Let me in...

Rosie: Yeah! Let him in! Let him in!

Monty: Aroooooo - let him in.

Susan: He IS in - it's just symbolic of all the ones that aren't.

Rosie: Well, that's why we're howling.

Monty: Yeah. That's why we're howling.

Susan: Okay. I'm howling too.

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Border collie ACEO - Dog n Mog #2 - All aboard the Whirlidog!

Monty: Ooh, that looks fun. I need a cat.

Rosie: Yeah - get me one while you're at the cat store.

Monty, regarding Rosie suspiciously: I mean, I need a cat to do the whirlidog thing.

Rosie, innocently: Yeah, and me.

Monty: Hmmm. Maybe I'll manage without for now.

Rosie: Spoilsport!

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Border collie ACEOs x 3 - photo story: Recipe for Life

Monty: Ooh, look - it's the Thorns of Life!

Rosie: No, it's not - it's a load of cactuses.

Monty: Cacti. And it's symbolic of the Thorns of Life.

Rosie: Symbolic. Shymbolic. Bleugh.



Monty: And now - you add a Border collie to the Thorns of Life and see what happens.

Rosie: Prickles in your paws probably.




Monty: No. Add a Border collie and then Bask in the Garden life has become.

Rosie: Life has become a garden because there's a Border collie in it?

Monty: That's right.

Rosie: Oh, well. That's right. That's what I've always said. All along.

Monty: Yes, Rosie.

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Border collie ACEO - The Hollymutt Fairy

Monty: Yayyy - it's the Hollymutt Fairy!

Rosie: Do you think that get-up is uncomfortable?

Monty: Nah - not for the Hollymutt Fairy.

Rosie: But it looks all spiky...

Monty: Well, it would be spiky and uncomfortable for anyone else but not for the Hollymutt fairy.

Rosie: Right. Is that a life lesson, Monty?

Monty: Uh... Um... Yeah. I think...

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Border collie ACEO - When Christmas trees were tall

Rosie: What does that mean? Christmas trees are ALWAYS tall.

Monty: It means that they were taller when we were smaller. It's symbolic of how time takes us from puppyhood to full on doghood and how we change and how we see things differently.

Rosie: That's daft! I mean, they get taller if you lie down too. And they get smaller if you're further away.

Monty: I despair.


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Border collie ACEO - Just call me Rudolph

Monty: Ooh, look, it's Rudolph the red-nosed reinpup! Yayyyyyyyy - Rudolph!

Rosie: That's not Rudolph - that's that annoying little pup from round the corner. The one who's always squirming into our garden and pinching our rope knot. What's its name? Hmmm - Sebastian! That's not Rudolph.

Monty: Don't be mean, Rosie. It's Rudolph.

Rosie: But it's not Rudolph...

Monty: Rosie, I don't often put my paw down, but this time, just humour me - it's Rudolph.

Rosie: Yes, Monty.

Monty: Boiled bones! Rosie! (puts paw on her brow)

Rosie: Shuddup.

Monty: Yes, Rosie.

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Border collie ACEO - Dog n Mog #1 We're pals. Yes, we are!

Monty: Yayyyyyyyyyy - Dog n Mog are baaaaaaaaaaaaack!!!!!!!!!

Rosie: Yayyyyyyyyyy - Dog n Mog are baaaaaaaaaaaaack!!!!!!!!!

Monty: Mog is sooooooooo sweet, so fluffy and sweet.

Rosie: To growl with fluffy and sweet. This time Dog's gonna win!

Monty: But Mog is soooooooo cute and little and fluffy....

Rosie: All the more reason why Dog should win!

Monty: Yes, Rosie.

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Border collie ACEO - Forest morning

Monty: Ooh, just imagine the peace, the tranquility, birds singing, little creatures rustling in the undergrowth, buds unfurling to greet a new day...

Rosie: Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

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Border collie ACEO - Raiders of the lost bark

Monty: Those blighters - fancy nicking the Lost Bark. It's a howling crime.

Rosie: No worries. Harris and Dog got it back. No worries.

Monty: No worries? What's with you? Whaddyamean, no worries?

Rosie: I've gone Aussie today. Back tomorrow.

Monty: No worries, then.

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Border collie ACEO - Up close and furry

Monty: Yayyyyyyy - it's ol' furry face.

Rosie: Yayyyyyyyyyy - furry face!

Monty: Who IS furry face?

Rosie: I dunno. Thought you knew him.

Monty: Er... Yayyyyyyyyy - it's ol furry face.

Rosie: Yayyyyyyy - furry face!

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Border collie ACEO - Holly, bold and jolly

Monty standing upright, paw on chest, declaiming:

Here’s a poem by Christina Rossetti, about holly and other plants…

A ROSE has thorns as well as honey,
I’ll not have her for love or money;
An iris grows so straight and fine
That she shall be no friend of mine;
Snowdrops like the snow would chill me;
Nightshade would caress and kill me;
Crocus like a spear would fright me;
Dragon’s-mouth might bark or bite me;
Convolvulus but blooms to die;
A wind-flower suggests a sigh;
Love-lies-bleeding makes me sad;
And poppy-juice would drive me mad: –
But give me holly, bold and jolly,
Honest, prickly, shining holly;
Pluck me holly leaf and berry
For the day when I make merry.

Rosie: Humphf. So - A Rosie has thorns as well as honey,
I’ll not have her for love or money - is that so?

Monty: Um. Er. It's only a poem, Rosie.

Rosie: Humphf. What about a Monty, then? What about a Monty? A Monty has, um, has smells as well as fur and I'll not have him for bones and gravy. Hmmm - well, um, mabye for bones and gravy... But I wouldn't have him for spinach. No! See!

Monty: Yes, Rosie. Actually, life would be grey and sad without you.

Rosie: Urk! Shuddup, Lunkhead!

Monty: Yes, Rosie.

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Border collie ACEO - Trailing clouds of magic

Monty: Ahhhhhh....... Santa Claus, reindeer, presents, candy bones, starry nights, snow on the rooftops, children pretending they've been good all year. Yes, it's good to be alive.

Rosie: Did you post my letter?

Monty: What letter?

Rosie: My letter to Santa.

Monty: Ah ha! You DO believe. I knew it!

Rosie: No, I don't. I'm just humouring you. Did you post it?

Monty: Yes, Rosie.

Rosie: Okay. Now, don't forget the lengths I go to to keep you happy Monty.

Monty: Yes, Rosie.

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Border collie ACEO - Christmas tree puppy

Monty: Ahhhhhhhh...... A Christmas tree puppy.

Rosie: Ahhhhhhhh...... A Christmas tree puppy.

Monty: Rosie! You okay? You feeling all right?

Rosie: I'm fine. I'm just interested in what happens when he grows up...

Monty: ......... Um. Live for the moment, Rosie.

Rosie: Well? What will happen when he's a 50 pound dog?

Monty: Um. Bigger trees?

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Border collie ACEO - His posh, festive collar

Monty: Coo, that is posh.

Rosie: It IS posh - until he drips gravy down it. What then?

Monty: Um. When is the spirit of the season going to arrive with you, Rosie?

Rosie: You're right. I'm a mean mutt sometimes. But I want a posh collar like that, too.

Monty, looking all around: There's one on the front door...

Rosie: Monty! You mean, pinch the wreath off the front door? I'm surprised at you!

Monty, running off to the front door: Hehe.

Rosie, following him: Arf arf.

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Border collie ACEO - Drifting silence

Monty: Ooh, the aloneness of silence.

Rosie: Yeah. It's great for a break but I quite like having you around breaking up my silence for me.

Monty: .................

Rosie: Monty? Monty? Don't go silent on me now.

Monty, choking: .............

Rosie: Honestly. Anyone would think I never said anything nice to you, Monty.

Monty: Um.........

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Border collie ACEO - The little mermutt

Rosie: Cripes - that looks cold.

Monty: And wet.

Rosie: Does she eat fish, do you think? I mean, not many bones and gravy down there are there?

Monty: Good point - what does a mermutt eat? Um - catfish? Marrowfish? Sea sausages?

Rosie: Sea sausages? Whaddya mean, sea sausages? You're making this all up, Lunkhead! No self-respecting mermutt is going to eat sea sausages, not unless they're fried. You ever tried frying something underwater?

Monty:

Rosie: No. Thought not. Hmph. If you can't say anything sensible, don't say anything at all.

Monty: Yes, Rosie.

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Border collie ACEO - Not everything is black and white

Monty: Look, Rosie. A caramel and white Border collie.

Rosie: Lovely.

Monty: Coo - I thought you might get on your high horse about everything's that's anything being black and white.

Rosie: Don't be such a lunkhead, Monty! A Border collie's a Border collie - it could be purple and green - it'd still be a Border collie.

Monty: Yes, Rosie.

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Border collie ACEO - If I can't see you, you can't see me pinch this mince pie

Monty: Hmm - good theory - does it work? Right, Rosie. I'll just hide my face in my paws. There - I can't see you. Can you see me?

Rosie: No. I can't see you. Where are you? Monty? MONTY!

Monty: I've always meant to check out that theory.

Rosie: Now you know it works you can go and nick me some of that roast lamb. And gravy. Oh, and some of the roasties too.

Monty: Yes, Rosie.

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Border collie ACEO - Old seadog

Monty: There he is - yearning for his old life on the open wave, the salty breeze, the swell of water under his bow, the seagull chorus, the sharp mornings...

Rosie: Hang on a minute - when he lived on the open wave - where did he pee?

Monty: ...............

Rosie: Well - where did he pee?

Monty: Words fail me, Rosie. Where's the romance, where's the atmosphere in such a thought?

Rosie: Romance?

Monty: Yes - romance.

Rosie: ..............

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ACEO - Wheeee

Monty: Wheeee - snowflakes on my tongue - I can taste them now. But it's not snowing. Oh, no. No snow. Oh, snow, snow. Why don't you snow?

Rosie: Oh, grow up, Monty. Fancy risking a slipped disc to catch snowflakes on your tongue.

Monty doing a snow-dance and chanting: Snow, snow, without you is woe, come on, snow.

Rosie: And then, you don't know what pollution there is all wrapped up in that little flake, just waiting to rot your kidneys and bring you out in boils.

Monty: Snowwwwwwwwwwwww...... It's snowing, Rosie!!!

Rosie: Ooh!....... Wait for me!!!

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ACEO - A part of the magic

Monty: Ahhh, he's a part of the magic...

Rosie: Whaddyamean? He IS the magic!

Monty: Hmmm, well, I thought Susan meant the magic of Christmas and the dog was all part of it, being a family member and all that.

Rosie: No, she meant that without the dog there would be NO magic.

Monty: Yes, Rosie.

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ACEO - Sleeepeee... You are feeeling sleeepeee... You want to give me your steak and kidney pie...

Rosie: Huh. As if he's going to hypnotise anyone like that.

Monty: Yeah, does seem a little unlikely, but it's worth a try for steak and kidney pie. Like that one you've got, Rosie. Where did you get it? Why haven't I got one?

Rosie: ZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Monty: Rosie? Rosie?

Rosie: I want to give you my steak and kidney pie……… zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

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ACEO - Dog in Hood and Maid Canine

Monty: There, I always knew it wasn't just a myth.

Rosie: Do you think I'd suit a red bow in my hair?

Monty: Do you think I'd suit a green woodland outfit including a hat with a feather in it?

Rosie: Um...

Monty: Hmm...

Rosie: We need to keep a close eye on Susan...

Monty: Agreed...

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ACEO - Carol howling

Monty: We're coming up for that time again. Lovely. I love carol howling. Will you come carol howling this year, Rosie?

Rosie: Aroo oo oo oo-oo, Ar-oo oo oo oo oo...

Monty: She's practising already! Great. Right. I'd better go start gargling, get my throat primed up.

Rosie, when Monty's gone: I'm feeling quite Christmassy this year. Don't tell Monty. Bah, humbug. Arf.

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ACEO - The Hills are Calling

Rosie: What are they calling? What does that mean?

Monty: They're calling out to the wanderer in us all, the adventurer, for us to answer the urge to see what's over that brow.

Rosie: Huh. If they were calling out: Bones, gravy, get your bones and gravy here, then maybe I'd hear them.

Monty: Yes, Rosie.

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ACEO - Airing cupboard hideout - for a Border collie

Monty: That looks cosy. Airing cupboard... Hmm... What a good idea...

Rosie: Good idea for what? You don't need a hiding place, Monty. Lunkhead.

Monty: Of course not, Rosie. What would I want a hiding place for?

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ACEO - Her holiday coat

Monty: What a pretty little thing she is with her holiday coat on.

Rosie: Humphf.

Monty: Of course, your coat, all black and white and shiny is much prettier.

Rosie: Humphf.

Monty: And, anyway, YOU don't need a coat to make you look pretty. Another coat I mean. Obviously you need your own coat...

Rosie: Humphf.

Susan: Quit now, Monty, before all of your paws fit in your mouth.

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ACEO - Mist before the sun

Monty: Ahh, the wonder of it all.

Rosie: The wonder of what?

Monty: You know - the early morning spookiness, alone in the world, the amazement of the day to come, not knowing if you're alone on the planet until the rest of the world wakes up...

Rosie: It's misty, dark and damp, Monty. Wake up.

Monty: *sigh* Yes, Rosie.

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ACEO - Chatting with the Mutt in the Moon

Monty: Who's he chatting to?

Rosie: The Mutt in the Moon, of course.

Monty: Uh...

Rosie, pointing a claw and rolling about woofing hysterically: You thought it was a Man in the Moon didn't you. You're such a lunkhead!

Monty: Well, I...

Rosie: You did, you did!

Monty: Well, uh, yeah, I did.

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ACEO - Peace on earth and good will to all chocolate-thieving mice

Monty: Oh, look - they're trying to get the chocolate Santa and he's pretending to be asleep. Aaahhhhhh

Rosie: Humphf!

Monty: What? Rosie!!! You wouldn't snaffle the mice!!! Not at Christmas, anyway...???

Rosie: Of course I wouldn't! What do you think I am?

Monty: Well, um...

Rosie: I'd snaffle the chocolate before they got it. Of course.

Monty: Of course. Arf, arf.

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ACEO - nor's this a Border collie - it's another cat - a tiger!

Monty: Ooh, look, Rosie. It's another cat. It's your turn to see it off.

Rosie: I like this cat, though.

Monty: You do? Why's that then.

Rosie: Well, because... Well, because... It's fluffy?

Monty: No, Rosie. It's because there's not many of them left, which is a sin. We should be ashamed.

Rosie, whispering: Yes, Monty. We are.

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ACEO - Aaaargh, it's not a Border collie - it's a CAT!!!

Rosie: Aaarghharoooooo - it's a cat!

Monty: I like cats.

Rosie: I'll have to disown you if you keep on talking kibblerish.

Monty: I do like cats. They're fluffy.

Rosie: Good gravy! Fluffy, he says. Their claws aren't fluffy. We'll have to see it off. You do it.

Monty: Yes, Rosie. Shoo, cat, shoo. It won't go, Rosie. It'll have to stay.

Rosie: *sigh* I suppose Susan wants it here. Let it stay then.

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ACEO - It's hard work writing to Santa

Monty: Ahhhh - he's fallen asleep writing his letter to Santa...

Rosie: Oh, come on. Santa? Who believes in all that these days?

Monty: Oh. Um. Maybe just some young pups... Not us, of course.

Rosie: Humphf. Humbug. It's all humbug.

Monty: Rosie? Rosie, what's that sticking out of your duvet cover?

Rosie, looking fearfully over shoulder: Ooh! Er.. Nothing. It's nothing.

Monty: Arf, arf. Never mind. I'll post it to Santa along with mine...

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ACEO - Shy

Monty: Ahhhh - he's all shy.

Rosie: Yeah, just like me.

Monty: *snort!!!*

Rosie: It's true. I'm shy.

Monty: *choking*

Rosie: I just do my collieish best to hide it, that's all.

Monty, in strangled whisper: Yes, Rosie.

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ACEO - When I grow up I'm going to be a Christmas tree

Monty: Ahhhhhh..........

Rosie: Fooff!

Monty: Fooff???

Rosie: What's wrong with being a Border collie when he grows up?

Monty: Yes, Rosie. Of course, Rosie.

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ACEO - Good morning, morning

Monty: Ahhhhh...

Rosie: Oy! Lunkhead! You said you'd find out who this scruffy Border collie is who keeps his back to us.

Monty, shifty: Uh. I did. I asked Susan.

Rosie: Well? Who is it?

Monty: It's, uh, well, it's...

Rosie: Get on with it!

Monty: It's not one dog in particular. It's all of us when we stop to contemplate the wonders around us.

PAWS

Monty, nervously: I'm only saying what Susan said.

PAWS

Monty: Rosie? Rosie?

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Lets try this NOT an ACEO again....

Monty: Ack. It didn't work. She's got to do it again. She's going nuts now. Howling, even.

Rosie: Yeah, it's getting out of hand. The hills?

Monty: Yeah... Run for the hills!!!

Not an ACEO, but need a logo picture somewhere on www...

Monty: We don't mind her putting it in here, though, do we Rosie?

Rosie: Nah. It's cos she can't get the other thing to work, and it has to be picked up off the www. This is where she gets even more bald. Arf.

The sound of two chortling Border collies ripples through the air...

ACEO - You have GOT to be joking!!!

Monty: I don't get it.

Rosie: You're such a lunkhead - his mistress wants him to put Christmas bootees on. Can you imagine it?

Monty, scared: Do you think Susan will want us to put bootees on?

Rosie: Nah. She wouldn't. Nah. No way. She's not like that. Nah. She wouldn't. Would she?????

PAWS

Monty: Run for the hills........... aroooooooooo............

Rosie: Wait for me!

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ACEO - I don't believe it!

Monty: It's not right! Fancy going out and leaving your faithful dog behind!

Rosie: Yeah. No one in their right mind would do that. It's a scandal. All we want to do is come along and protect our humans, keep them from getting bored, make sure they go down the right aisles, buy the right gravyish stuff.

Monty: Yeah. Not only that, but fancy leaving a dog behind in that kind of decor. It's enough to give you daymares.

Rosie: Decor? Decor? What kind of word is that for a self-respecting Border collie to use?

Monty, blushing under his fur: Well, uh. It's just, you know wot I mean. One's environment is very important.

Rosie, gives him the collie stare.

Monty slinks off.

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ACEO - Bedspread

Monty: Ahh, how lovely - to lie in a sea of flowers like that, part of the landscape, at one with nature.

Rosie: Have you ever lain in a bed of nasturtiums?

Monty: Uh, well nooooooo....

Rosie: Belt it, then. They really smell 'orrible up that close.

Monty: Oh. Well, maybe it's a bit weird.

Rosie: Susan got a bit weird with this one. We'll have to watch her.

Monty, looking over shoulder: Yeah.

Rosie, looking over shoulder: Yeah.

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ACEO - Meditation

Monty: Ahhh, meditation. That's nice.

Rosie: But, what's he meditating on?

Monty: Well, he's probably thinking about... um... poppies? Fields? Nice days? His youth. Stuff like that. Yeah, that'll be it.

Rosie: Nah - it'll be bones, gravy and hunt the rope games, more like.

Monty: It's all appreciation though, isn't it?

Rosie: Appreciation? What's wrong with just bones, gravy and hunt the rope games?

Monty: Um. Yeah.

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