Friday 30 November 2007

Border collie ACEO - Christmas tree puppy



Monty: Ahhhhhhhh...... A Christmas tree puppy.

Rosie: Ahhhhhhhh...... A Christmas tree puppy.

Monty: Rosie! You okay? You feeling all right?

Rosie: I'm fine. I'm just interested in what happens when he grows up...

Monty: ......... Um. Live for the moment, Rosie.

Rosie: Well? What will happen when he's a 50 pound dog?

Monty: Um. Bigger trees?

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Thursday 29 November 2007

Border collie ACEO - His posh, festive collar



Monty: Coo, that is posh.

Rosie: It IS posh - until he drips gravy down it. What then?

Monty: Um. When is the spirit of the season going to arrive with you, Rosie?

Rosie: You're right. I'm a mean mutt sometimes. But I want a posh collar like that, too.

Monty, looking all around: There's one on the front door...

Rosie: Monty! You mean, pinch the wreath off the front door? I'm surprised at you!

Monty, running off to the front door: Hehe.

Rosie, following him: Arf arf.

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Wednesday 28 November 2007

Border collie ACEO - Drifting silence



Monty: Ooh, the aloneness of silence.

Rosie: Yeah. It's great for a break but I quite like having you around breaking up my silence for me.

Monty: .................

Rosie: Monty? Monty? Don't go silent on me now.

Monty, choking: .............

Rosie: Honestly. Anyone would think I never said anything nice to you, Monty.

Monty: Um.........

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Tuesday 27 November 2007

Border collie ACEO - The little mermutt



Rosie: Cripes - that looks cold.

Monty: And wet.

Rosie: Does she eat fish, do you think? I mean, not many bones and gravy down there are there?

Monty: Good point - what does a mermutt eat? Um - catfish? Marrowfish? Sea sausages?

Rosie: Sea sausages? Whaddya mean, sea sausages? You're making this all up, Lunkhead! No self-respecting mermutt is going to eat sea sausages, not unless they're fried. You ever tried frying something underwater?

Monty:

Rosie: No. Thought not. Hmph. If you can't say anything sensible, don't say anything at all.

Monty: Yes, Rosie.

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Monday 26 November 2007

Border collie ACEO - Not everything is black and white



Monty: Look, Rosie. A caramel and white Border collie.

Rosie: Lovely.

Monty: Coo - I thought you might get on your high horse about everything's that's anything being black and white.

Rosie: Don't be such a lunkhead, Monty! A Border collie's a Border collie - it could be purple and green - it'd still be a Border collie.

Monty: Yes, Rosie.

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Saturday 24 November 2007

Border collie ACEO - If I can't see you, you can't see me pinch this mince pie



Monty: Hmm - good theory - does it work? Right, Rosie. I'll just hide my face in my paws. There - I can't see you. Can you see me?

Rosie: No. I can't see you. Where are you? Monty? MONTY!

Monty: I've always meant to check out that theory.

Rosie: Now you know it works you can go and nick me some of that roast lamb. And gravy. Oh, and some of the roasties too.

Monty: Yes, Rosie.

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Friday 23 November 2007

Border collie ACEO - Old seadog



Monty: There he is - yearning for his old life on the open wave, the salty breeze, the swell of water under his bow, the seagull chorus, the sharp mornings...

Rosie: Hang on a minute - when he lived on the open wave - where did he pee?

Monty: ...............

Rosie: Well - where did he pee?

Monty: Words fail me, Rosie. Where's the romance, where's the atmosphere in such a thought?

Rosie: Romance?

Monty: Yes - romance.

Rosie: ..............

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Tuesday 20 November 2007

ACEO - Wheeee



Monty: Wheeee - snowflakes on my tongue - I can taste them now. But it's not snowing. Oh, no. No snow. Oh, snow, snow. Why don't you snow?

Rosie: Oh, grow up, Monty. Fancy risking a slipped disc to catch snowflakes on your tongue.

Monty doing a snow-dance and chanting: Snow, snow, without you is woe, come on, snow.

Rosie: And then, you don't know what pollution there is all wrapped up in that little flake, just waiting to rot your kidneys and bring you out in boils.

Monty: Snowwwwwwwwwwwww...... It's snowing, Rosie!!!

Rosie: Ooh!....... Wait for me!!!

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Monday 19 November 2007

ACEO - A part of the magic



Monty: Ahhh, he's a part of the magic...

Rosie: Whaddyamean? He IS the magic!

Monty: Hmmm, well, I thought Susan meant the magic of Christmas and the dog was all part of it, being a family member and all that.

Rosie: No, she meant that without the dog there would be NO magic.

Monty: Yes, Rosie.

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Sunday 18 November 2007

ACEO - Sleeepeee... You are feeeling sleeepeee... You want to give me your steak and kidney pie...



Rosie: Huh. As if he's going to hypnotise anyone like that.

Monty: Yeah, does seem a little unlikely, but it's worth a try for steak and kidney pie. Like that one you've got, Rosie. Where did you get it? Why haven't I got one?

Rosie: ZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Monty: Rosie? Rosie?

Rosie: I want to give you my steak and kidney pie……… zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

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Saturday 17 November 2007

ACEO - Dog in Hood and Maid Canine



Monty: There, I always knew it wasn't just a myth.

Rosie: Do you think I'd suit a red bow in my hair?

Monty: Do you think I'd suit a green woodland outfit including a hat with a feather in it?

Rosie: Um...

Monty: Hmm...

Rosie: We need to keep a close eye on Susan...

Monty: Agreed...

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Friday 16 November 2007

ACEO - Carol howling



Monty: We're coming up for that time again. Lovely. I love carol howling. Will you come carol howling this year, Rosie?

Rosie: Aroo oo oo oo-oo, Ar-oo oo oo oo oo...

Monty: She's practising already! Great. Right. I'd better go start gargling, get my throat primed up.

Rosie, when Monty's gone: I'm feeling quite Christmassy this year. Don't tell Monty. Bah, humbug. Arf.

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Thursday 15 November 2007

ACEO - The Hills are Calling



Rosie: What are they calling? What does that mean?

Monty: They're calling out to the wanderer in us all, the adventurer, for us to answer the urge to see what's over that brow.

Rosie: Huh. If they were calling out: Bones, gravy, get your bones and gravy here, then maybe I'd hear them.

Monty: Yes, Rosie.

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Wednesday 14 November 2007

ACEO - Airing cupboard hideout - for a Border collie



Monty: That looks cosy. Airing cupboard... Hmm... What a good idea...

Rosie: Good idea for what? You don't need a hiding place, Monty. Lunkhead.

Monty: Of course not, Rosie. What would I want a hiding place for?

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Tuesday 13 November 2007

ACEO - Her holiday coat



Monty: What a pretty little thing she is with her holiday coat on.

Rosie: Humphf.

Monty: Of course, your coat, all black and white and shiny is much prettier.

Rosie: Humphf.

Monty: And, anyway, YOU don't need a coat to make you look pretty. Another coat I mean. Obviously you need your own coat...

Rosie: Humphf.

Susan: Quit now, Monty, before all of your paws fit in your mouth.

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Saturday 10 November 2007

ACEO - Mist before the sun



Monty: Ahh, the wonder of it all.

Rosie: The wonder of what?

Monty: You know - the early morning spookiness, alone in the world, the amazement of the day to come, not knowing if you're alone on the planet until the rest of the world wakes up...

Rosie: It's misty, dark and damp, Monty. Wake up.

Monty: *sigh* Yes, Rosie.

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Wednesday 7 November 2007

ACEO - Chatting with the Mutt in the Moon



Monty: Who's he chatting to?

Rosie: The Mutt in the Moon, of course.

Monty: Uh...

Rosie, pointing a claw and rolling about woofing hysterically: You thought it was a Man in the Moon didn't you. You're such a lunkhead!

Monty: Well, I...

Rosie: You did, you did!

Monty: Well, uh, yeah, I did.

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Saturday 3 November 2007

ACEO - Peace on earth and good will to all chocolate-thieving mice



Monty: Oh, look - they're trying to get the chocolate Santa and he's pretending to be asleep. Aaahhhhhh

Rosie: Humphf!

Monty: What? Rosie!!! You wouldn't snaffle the mice!!! Not at Christmas, anyway...???

Rosie: Of course I wouldn't! What do you think I am?

Monty: Well, um...

Rosie: I'd snaffle the chocolate before they got it. Of course.

Monty: Of course. Arf, arf.

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ACEO - nor's this a Border collie - it's another cat - a tiger!



Monty: Ooh, look, Rosie. It's another cat. It's your turn to see it off.

Rosie: I like this cat, though.

Monty: You do? Why's that then.

Rosie: Well, because... Well, because... It's fluffy?

Monty: No, Rosie. It's because there's not many of them left, which is a sin. We should be ashamed.

Rosie, whispering: Yes, Monty. We are.

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ACEO - Aaaargh, it's not a Border collie - it's a CAT!!!



Rosie: Aaarghharoooooo - it's a cat!

Monty: I like cats.

Rosie: I'll have to disown you if you keep on talking kibblerish.

Monty: I do like cats. They're fluffy.

Rosie: Good gravy! Fluffy, he says. Their claws aren't fluffy. We'll have to see it off. You do it.

Monty: Yes, Rosie. Shoo, cat, shoo. It won't go, Rosie. It'll have to stay.

Rosie: *sigh* I suppose Susan wants it here. Let it stay then.

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ACEO - It's hard work writing to Santa



Monty: Ahhhh - he's fallen asleep writing his letter to Santa...

Rosie: Oh, come on. Santa? Who believes in all that these days?

Monty: Oh. Um. Maybe just some young pups... Not us, of course.

Rosie: Humphf. Humbug. It's all humbug.

Monty: Rosie? Rosie, what's that sticking out of your duvet cover?

Rosie, looking fearfully over shoulder: Ooh! Er.. Nothing. It's nothing.

Monty: Arf, arf. Never mind. I'll post it to Santa along with mine...

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ACEO - Shy



Monty: Ahhhh - he's all shy.

Rosie: Yeah, just like me.

Monty: *snort!!!*

Rosie: It's true. I'm shy.

Monty: *choking*

Rosie: I just do my collieish best to hide it, that's all.

Monty, in strangled whisper: Yes, Rosie.

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Friday 2 November 2007

ACEO - When I grow up I'm going to be a Christmas tree



Monty: Ahhhhhh..........

Rosie: Fooff!

Monty: Fooff???

Rosie: What's wrong with being a Border collie when he grows up?

Monty: Yes, Rosie. Of course, Rosie.

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I'm a writer and artist. Dogs tend to feature in my writings and pictures rather a lot - living under the paw like I do...

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