Border collie ACEO - Christmas tree puppy

Monty: Ahhhhhhhh...... A Christmas tree puppy.

Rosie: Ahhhhhhhh...... A Christmas tree puppy.

Monty: Rosie! You okay? You feeling all right?

Rosie: I'm fine. I'm just interested in what happens when he grows up...

Monty: ......... Um. Live for the moment, Rosie.

Rosie: Well? What will happen when he's a 50 pound dog?

Monty: Um. Bigger trees?

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Border collie ACEO - His posh, festive collar

Monty: Coo, that is posh.

Rosie: It IS posh - until he drips gravy down it. What then?

Monty: Um. When is the spirit of the season going to arrive with you, Rosie?

Rosie: You're right. I'm a mean mutt sometimes. But I want a posh collar like that, too.

Monty, looking all around: There's one on the front door...

Rosie: Monty! You mean, pinch the wreath off the front door? I'm surprised at you!

Monty, running off to the front door: Hehe.

Rosie, following him: Arf arf.

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Border collie ACEO - Drifting silence

Monty: Ooh, the aloneness of silence.

Rosie: Yeah. It's great for a break but I quite like having you around breaking up my silence for me.

Monty: .................

Rosie: Monty? Monty? Don't go silent on me now.

Monty, choking: .............

Rosie: Honestly. Anyone would think I never said anything nice to you, Monty.

Monty: Um.........

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Border collie ACEO - The little mermutt

Rosie: Cripes - that looks cold.

Monty: And wet.

Rosie: Does she eat fish, do you think? I mean, not many bones and gravy down there are there?

Monty: Good point - what does a mermutt eat? Um - catfish? Marrowfish? Sea sausages?

Rosie: Sea sausages? Whaddya mean, sea sausages? You're making this all up, Lunkhead! No self-respecting mermutt is going to eat sea sausages, not unless they're fried. You ever tried frying something underwater?

Monty:

Rosie: No. Thought not. Hmph. If you can't say anything sensible, don't say anything at all.

Monty: Yes, Rosie.

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Border collie ACEO - Not everything is black and white

Monty: Look, Rosie. A caramel and white Border collie.

Rosie: Lovely.

Monty: Coo - I thought you might get on your high horse about everything's that's anything being black and white.

Rosie: Don't be such a lunkhead, Monty! A Border collie's a Border collie - it could be purple and green - it'd still be a Border collie.

Monty: Yes, Rosie.

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Border collie ACEO - If I can't see you, you can't see me pinch this mince pie

Monty: Hmm - good theory - does it work? Right, Rosie. I'll just hide my face in my paws. There - I can't see you. Can you see me?

Rosie: No. I can't see you. Where are you? Monty? MONTY!

Monty: I've always meant to check out that theory.

Rosie: Now you know it works you can go and nick me some of that roast lamb. And gravy. Oh, and some of the roasties too.

Monty: Yes, Rosie.

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Border collie ACEO - Old seadog

Monty: There he is - yearning for his old life on the open wave, the salty breeze, the swell of water under his bow, the seagull chorus, the sharp mornings...

Rosie: Hang on a minute - when he lived on the open wave - where did he pee?

Monty: ...............

Rosie: Well - where did he pee?

Monty: Words fail me, Rosie. Where's the romance, where's the atmosphere in such a thought?

Rosie: Romance?

Monty: Yes - romance.

Rosie: ..............

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ACEO - Wheeee

Monty: Wheeee - snowflakes on my tongue - I can taste them now. But it's not snowing. Oh, no. No snow. Oh, snow, snow. Why don't you snow?

Rosie: Oh, grow up, Monty. Fancy risking a slipped disc to catch snowflakes on your tongue.

Monty doing a snow-dance and chanting: Snow, snow, without you is woe, come on, snow.

Rosie: And then, you don't know what pollution there is all wrapped up in that little flake, just waiting to rot your kidneys and bring you out in boils.

Monty: Snowwwwwwwwwwwww...... It's snowing, Rosie!!!

Rosie: Ooh!....... Wait for me!!!

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ACEO - A part of the magic

Monty: Ahhh, he's a part of the magic...

Rosie: Whaddyamean? He IS the magic!

Monty: Hmmm, well, I thought Susan meant the magic of Christmas and the dog was all part of it, being a family member and all that.

Rosie: No, she meant that without the dog there would be NO magic.

Monty: Yes, Rosie.

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ACEO - Sleeepeee... You are feeeling sleeepeee... You want to give me your steak and kidney pie...

Rosie: Huh. As if he's going to hypnotise anyone like that.

Monty: Yeah, does seem a little unlikely, but it's worth a try for steak and kidney pie. Like that one you've got, Rosie. Where did you get it? Why haven't I got one?

Rosie: ZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Monty: Rosie? Rosie?

Rosie: I want to give you my steak and kidney pie……… zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

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ACEO - Dog in Hood and Maid Canine

Monty: There, I always knew it wasn't just a myth.

Rosie: Do you think I'd suit a red bow in my hair?

Monty: Do you think I'd suit a green woodland outfit including a hat with a feather in it?

Rosie: Um...

Monty: Hmm...

Rosie: We need to keep a close eye on Susan...

Monty: Agreed...

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ACEO - Carol howling

Monty: We're coming up for that time again. Lovely. I love carol howling. Will you come carol howling this year, Rosie?

Rosie: Aroo oo oo oo-oo, Ar-oo oo oo oo oo...

Monty: She's practising already! Great. Right. I'd better go start gargling, get my throat primed up.

Rosie, when Monty's gone: I'm feeling quite Christmassy this year. Don't tell Monty. Bah, humbug. Arf.

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ACEO - The Hills are Calling

Rosie: What are they calling? What does that mean?

Monty: They're calling out to the wanderer in us all, the adventurer, for us to answer the urge to see what's over that brow.

Rosie: Huh. If they were calling out: Bones, gravy, get your bones and gravy here, then maybe I'd hear them.

Monty: Yes, Rosie.

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ACEO - Airing cupboard hideout - for a Border collie

Monty: That looks cosy. Airing cupboard... Hmm... What a good idea...

Rosie: Good idea for what? You don't need a hiding place, Monty. Lunkhead.

Monty: Of course not, Rosie. What would I want a hiding place for?

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ACEO - Her holiday coat

Monty: What a pretty little thing she is with her holiday coat on.

Rosie: Humphf.

Monty: Of course, your coat, all black and white and shiny is much prettier.

Rosie: Humphf.

Monty: And, anyway, YOU don't need a coat to make you look pretty. Another coat I mean. Obviously you need your own coat...

Rosie: Humphf.

Susan: Quit now, Monty, before all of your paws fit in your mouth.

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ACEO - Mist before the sun

Monty: Ahh, the wonder of it all.

Rosie: The wonder of what?

Monty: You know - the early morning spookiness, alone in the world, the amazement of the day to come, not knowing if you're alone on the planet until the rest of the world wakes up...

Rosie: It's misty, dark and damp, Monty. Wake up.

Monty: *sigh* Yes, Rosie.

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ACEO - Chatting with the Mutt in the Moon

Monty: Who's he chatting to?

Rosie: The Mutt in the Moon, of course.

Monty: Uh...

Rosie, pointing a claw and rolling about woofing hysterically: You thought it was a Man in the Moon didn't you. You're such a lunkhead!

Monty: Well, I...

Rosie: You did, you did!

Monty: Well, uh, yeah, I did.

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ACEO - Peace on earth and good will to all chocolate-thieving mice

Monty: Oh, look - they're trying to get the chocolate Santa and he's pretending to be asleep. Aaahhhhhh

Rosie: Humphf!

Monty: What? Rosie!!! You wouldn't snaffle the mice!!! Not at Christmas, anyway...???

Rosie: Of course I wouldn't! What do you think I am?

Monty: Well, um...

Rosie: I'd snaffle the chocolate before they got it. Of course.

Monty: Of course. Arf, arf.

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ACEO - nor's this a Border collie - it's another cat - a tiger!

Monty: Ooh, look, Rosie. It's another cat. It's your turn to see it off.

Rosie: I like this cat, though.

Monty: You do? Why's that then.

Rosie: Well, because... Well, because... It's fluffy?

Monty: No, Rosie. It's because there's not many of them left, which is a sin. We should be ashamed.

Rosie, whispering: Yes, Monty. We are.

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ACEO - Aaaargh, it's not a Border collie - it's a CAT!!!

Rosie: Aaarghharoooooo - it's a cat!

Monty: I like cats.

Rosie: I'll have to disown you if you keep on talking kibblerish.

Monty: I do like cats. They're fluffy.

Rosie: Good gravy! Fluffy, he says. Their claws aren't fluffy. We'll have to see it off. You do it.

Monty: Yes, Rosie. Shoo, cat, shoo. It won't go, Rosie. It'll have to stay.

Rosie: *sigh* I suppose Susan wants it here. Let it stay then.

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ACEO - It's hard work writing to Santa

Monty: Ahhhh - he's fallen asleep writing his letter to Santa...

Rosie: Oh, come on. Santa? Who believes in all that these days?

Monty: Oh. Um. Maybe just some young pups... Not us, of course.

Rosie: Humphf. Humbug. It's all humbug.

Monty: Rosie? Rosie, what's that sticking out of your duvet cover?

Rosie, looking fearfully over shoulder: Ooh! Er.. Nothing. It's nothing.

Monty: Arf, arf. Never mind. I'll post it to Santa along with mine...

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ACEO - Shy

Monty: Ahhhh - he's all shy.

Rosie: Yeah, just like me.

Monty: *snort!!!*

Rosie: It's true. I'm shy.

Monty: *choking*

Rosie: I just do my collieish best to hide it, that's all.

Monty, in strangled whisper: Yes, Rosie.

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ACEO - When I grow up I'm going to be a Christmas tree

Monty: Ahhhhhh..........

Rosie: Fooff!

Monty: Fooff???

Rosie: What's wrong with being a Border collie when he grows up?

Monty: Yes, Rosie. Of course, Rosie.

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